Jam Sandwiches Read online

  Copyright © 2012 Greg Fowler

  All rights reserved.

  ISBN: 1475008899

  ISBN-13: 9781475008890

  eBook ISBN: 978-1-62345-241-4

  To all my friends and family who always believed in me more than I believed in myself.

  Thank you for your kind words of encouragement, they meant an awful lot.

  And to my wife Fiona…the wonderful woman who not only caught me when I was falling but lifted me to new heights…I can never thank you enough. But I’ll keep trying anyway

  www.facebook.com/jamsandwichesbook

  CONTENTS

  1991

  PROLOGUE

  1999

  1. SHOWER TIME

  2. BENT NAILS

  3. STICKS AND STONES

  4. NAPPIES AND NO FRIENDS

  5. A TREE ON THE MOVE

  6. SECRETS IN AND OUT

  7. THE LADY WHO VISITS

  8. RED TRUCKS AND OTHER NEW THINGS

  9. WINDOW TO WINDOW

  10. NO POINT IN ASKING AGAIN

  11. FIRST DAYS AND MOTHER’S SMILES

  12. LONG, LONG, LONG, LONG, LONG DAYS.

  13. REAGAN TO THE RESCUE

  14. GRANDMA DON’T

  15. JAM SANDWICHES

  16. A DAY TO BLOSSOM

  17. BANG!

  18. WHAT A DIFFERENCE

  19. BLACK OR SILVER

  20. TURNING A NEW LEAF

  2002

  21. A SAD FAVOUR

  22. AN UNEXPECTED VISITOR

  23. BAD NEWS

  24. HOW’S IT GOING

  25. PROBLEM SOLVED

  26. Q AND A

  27. THE PIECES IN BETWEEN

  28. NOT GOOD

  29. KNOWING THE EMPEROR

  30. THROWING STONES AND WITCHCRAFT

  31. ARMS AND LIMBS

  32. FROM WITHIN TO WITHOUT

  33. COLD, CLEAN AND A SPRINKLE OF SUGAR

  34. SOMETHING’S CHANGED

  35. WHERE’S IT GONE?

  36. REAGAN’S BAD DAY

  37. AFTERWARDS

  38. PUTTING IN THE HOURS

  39. WHAT ARE THEY?

  40. NATHAN’S RETURN

  41. EDDY!

  42. LOVE IN THROUGH THE WINDOW

  43. GETTING THE MESSAGE

  44. FIRST TIME EVER

  45. BETTER THAN EVER

  46. A GRANDMOTHER’S RESPONSE

  2004

  47. ANOTHER TWO YEARS ON

  48. THE FIRST NOTE

  49. BACK TO REALITY

  50. THE SECOND NOTE

  51. REAGAN’S REACTION

  52. MRS STANTON’S CHALLENGE

  53. IT’S ALL IN A SMILE

  54. NOT ANOTHER FAVOUR

  55. A WATCHFUL EYE

  56. ANOTHER BIG RED TRUCK

  57. MRS ELSDON TAKES THE LEAD

  58. REAGAN’S BIG NIGHT

  59. RICH AND FAMOUS

  60. WHAT MAKES GIRLS LIKE BOYS

  61. THE WRONG SORT OF PRESENT

  62. STRETCHED LIKE A RUBBER BAND

  63. SAME SOUNDS, DIFFERENT VOICES

  64. EDDY’S TURN

  65. MRS CROWE ANSWERS

  66. THE BIG DAY

  67. AN EVEN BIGGER DAY

  2005

  68. THE GRAND TOUR

  69. EDDY GOES TO SCHOOL

  70. NOT IN A MILLION YEARS

  71. TIRED DAYS COMMENCE

  72. TIME FOR A CHAT

  73. A THOUSAND WORDS

  74. TIME OFF

  75. A HEAVY LOAD

  76. HOLDING ONE’S BREATH

  77. WHY!

  78. PRAYERS

  79. BEDTIME STORIES

  80. THE SLIDE DOWN

  81. A STRANGE MAN FOR WILLOW AVENUE

  82. A MESSAGE FROM AFAR

  83. TIME RUNNING OUT

  84. A ROCK IN THE RIVER

  85. CHASING AMBULANCES

  86. TWO TALKS

  87. JUST ONE MORE TIME

  10 MAY 2005

  88. A LESSON IN LOVE

  AFTERWARDS

  89. THE REMEMBER ME THINGS

  1991

  PROLOGUE

  Hailey knew she was still bleeding but it was now or never.

  Nobody told her it would be like this. Wasn’t that the doctor’s job; to tell her that something had gone drastically, horribly wrong and how to make it all just go away. She figured maybe she should stick around and sue their rich butts off. They deserved every bit of it for doing this to her.

  But her instinct to escape was stronger. It wasn’t just about the cursed thing that had cast itself from her body. It was about fleeing all of those ‘I told you so’s’, the first of which would cruise out of her mother’s mouth with a smugness she couldn’t bear to witness.

  The nurse, who was pretty nice, all things considered, had wandered out a couple of minutes ago and the doctor was probably off checking his bank balance somewhere. The only other obstacle would be her mother and she was bound to be back at any moment. No, Hailey knew she had to get out and keep going until there was nobody left to find her.

  Climbing gingerly out of the bed, she noticed the red splotch on her bedding and dismissed it out of hand. She’d grab some Panadol or something at a pharmacy on the way out of town.

  As she slipped her jeans up her legs (the ones she couldn’t zip up because it hurt too much), the object that had been ripped out of her only a matter of an hour ago made a noise. It was just a simple noise, the noise of a living thing and for a fleeting moment Hailey felt compelled to go over to the clear plastic crib. To go over there would be wrong though. It was a trap.

  Taking a purposefully wide berth, even to the point of turning her head away from the wriggling arms and legs, Hailey paused in the doorway.

  No…I have to go. I can’t love this thing. I don’t even know how to.

  Then, unable to help herself and despite the certainty this would ruin it all, she strode back to the place where her newborn son kicked and punched at the strange world around him. Did part of her feel something for this needful thing, this thing that had no control over the way it looked. Yes. Probably. Maybe.

  Reaching in, she felt the baby’s tiny hand clench hold of her little finger and her heart tugged. This, she recognised, this very moment was a massive fork in the road of her life and whatever she did now, it had to be decisive.

  ‘I’m so sorry,’ she whispered and surprised herself in the process as she wiped a tear from her eye. ‘Be a good little boy.’

  Then pulling her hand away, pretending not to notice how strong her boy’s grip really was, she retreated back to the doorway. No more looking back now…this was all about moving forward. Never mind the leaden lump in her throat.

  Checking left, then right, Hailey counted to three inside her head and stepped out into the corridor as though she had every reason to be there. She couldn’t walk too fast though. Not only would that draw attention but it hurt to stride out.

  Assuming her first real obstacle would be the nurse’s station out by the entrance to the maternity ward, Hailey suffered a sudden stab of adrenalin when she turned a corner and found her mother approaching like a wind storm. In the half second it took for her to duck into the closest room, a thin sheen of sweat broke out on her brow and for a moment she thought she might actually need to sit down before she passed out altogether.

  Had her mother seen her? They certainly hadn’t made eye contact but that didn’t mean anything when it came to Daisy Sullivan. That woman had more eyes than a spider.

  Hailey could hear her mother’s foot falls now. She could recognise them anywhere.

  Slipping away from the door, Hailey faced into the room and discovered a whole new set of problems. Staring back at her, with some confusion a
nd a growing curiosity, was a post natal mother, new babe in her arms, and a nurse, who had obviously been in the midst of some piece of advice or another. Hailey didn’t like the look of that uniform either. It looked way too matronly.

  ‘Can I help you?’ asked the nurse.

  Not now!

  Shaking her head, Hailey felt, more than heard, her mother’s sturdy stride now. She was right outside the door.

  ‘Are you lost?’

  Come on lady. Just give me a break.

  Listening intently and feeling about as conspicuous as fireworks in March, Hailey ignored the question and focused on the doorway beside her. If her mother walked in now, all hell would break loose.

  ‘I’m going to have to ask you to leave please.’

  Will you just shut…up. The sentence stayed in her head but it was oh so close to slipping out. Damn nurse.

  Knowing things were about to move up a notch in here, Hailey strained with every sense in her being. Where were those foot falls now? Her mother hadn’t pounced through the door. But did that mean she was waiting, just out of sight, a viper, silent and still, ready for the defenceless mouse to come out of its hole.

  To her immense relief Hailey’s ears told her a different story. The slap, slap of her mother’s slippers were retreating. Yep, definitely heading away.

  ‘Sorry. Wrong room.’ Cautiously slipping back across to the doorway, Hailey understood two things. One, her mother had indeed kept on going and was now out of sight and, two, this nurse wasn’t finished with her yet.

  ‘You’re the girl from 413 aren’t you?’

  It wasn’t worth answering.

  Now or never.

  This time ignoring the pain, Hailey hit the corridor at nearly a jog. The swinging door that promised to be her escape hatch was only a few seconds away now. Beyond that was a whole world to get lost in.

  ‘Where are you going?’ The nurse, come policewoman, was in the corridor too now but Hailey couldn’t look back, to do so would only advertise her guilt. ‘Ruth!’

  A head poked out from the nurse’s station just as Hailey charged on by. This was undoubtedly the Ruth in question and, much to Hailey’s relief, Ruth in question was a second behind the pace.

  ‘She’s doing a…’

  Hailey guessed the last word was probably ‘runner’ but she didn’t stick around to find out. Through the door she went and, knowing from experience that the lifts were horrendously slow, she immediately tackled the stairs.

  Two steps in she felt a couple of her stitches tear and it took all her willpower not to collapse right there and then. Instead she reached for a reserve found only in desperation and grunted and groaned her way from one floor to the next.

  God. Why do they put a maternity ward on the fourth floor. It makes no sense.

  About a million steps later, she broke out into the lift foyer on the ground floor, the sun piling in through the main entrance like a pot of gold. Unable to contain her huffing and puffing, Hailey checked the numbers above the three lift doors and found that two of them were below 4 and on the way down. The posse was on the way.

  Unashamedly limping now and clutching her screaming belly, she straight lined it for the sliding glass doors. Mercifully the security guard looked like he was a day away from retirement and paid her no heed. After all, she was just a kid.

  As she passed through the entrance way and out into the bright new day, she heard the familiar ‘ding’ of the lifts as they delivered their load.

  Not today people. Today is my day.

  Jumping into the first taxi in the rank, Hailey patted the bank card in her pocket for reassurance.

  ‘North on State Highway One please,’ she instructed. ‘And please hurry.’

  The driver did just as he was told and drew the car away within a second of her closing the door.

  As they pulled away toward the maze of mid town traffic, Hailey swivelled around and checked through the back window. It took until they were already accelerating down the main road before she spied what she was looking for. Two nurses came charging out of the entrance, their body language loaded with urgency that needed a release.

  Too bad for them.

  With one last reflection, Hailey looked up to where she figured her room was. Correction, where her room had been. It wasn’t hard to find either. It was the one with her mother staring straight back out like a Queen in her castle.

  Part of her wanted to pout back up at the window, despite the fact she was way too far away to be seen, but Hailey was surprised to find herself feeling an entirely different emotion altogether. It wasn’t guilt, even though that would be understandable. It was sadness. In behind that pane of glass was both ends of her life. A life as it had every right to be. A Mother, who, in spite of her shortcomings, was the woman who had loved her in her own way, and a baby…a strange little baby that she didn’t know how to love.

  Turning to face front, Hailey watched as the meter churned away what little cash she had and cried silent tears. She cried not for the pain of child birth…but in another way it was.

  1999

  1. SHOWER TIME

  ‘Eddy. Get yourself ready, it’s shower day.’

  Grandma Daisy punctuated her authority with a short, sharp rap on Eddy’s bedroom door.

  Eddy obediently got out of his chair, the one by the old wooden desk, and proceeded to undress. He knew the routine. T-shirt, Pants, Undies, Socks. Always socks last. Always.

  Within two minutes of Grandma Daisy’s knock he was standing on his side of the closed bedroom door, old clothes in his arms ready for washing, and as naked as he’d been that fateful day his mother had snuck out of the hospital, never to be seen again.

  The bedroom door flung open and Grandma Daisy seemed almost to touch both sides and the top of the door jamb. Eddy knew well enough to stand back because that was the way she always opened his door.

  ‘Good,’ she said. ‘Now go get under the water. I want half that soap gone by the time I come to get you out.’ Grandma Daisy reached down and took the old clothes out of Eddy’s hands. There’d be a new set waiting on his bed when he got back. There always was and there always would be. ‘Now get going before you miss the warm water.’

  Shower days were alright as far as Eddy was concerned. It gave him a chance to see new stuff. Had Grandma Daisy changed one of the pictures in the hall? If one of the other doors was open he could get a glimpse of another room, a whole different room than his own. He also got to walk past the top of the stairs, and if he walked slow enough and craned his neck just right, he could actually see the front door. The white front door with windows in it. Windows that showed the big, wide world on the outside.

  But there were no doors open today. Grandma Daisy had changed no pictures and she chose today to tail him all the way to the bathroom. There was no dawdling at the top of the stairs. That was okay though. He still liked shower day.

  As per usual, the shower was already running by the time he stepped into the small upstairs bathroom. Eddy pulled the shower curtain aside, stepped under the luke warm water and felt the wetness cover his body like a new idea. He knew Grandma Daisy was off doing her own thing by now and she wouldn’t be back until well after the water had turned ice cold, cold enough so that he had to squeeze into the back corner of the shower cubicle where only the odd drip could reach him.

  ‘Make hay while the sun shines.’ That’s what Grandma Daisy would say. ‘Make hay while the sun shines.’

  So he grabbed hold of the slippery soap from the little shelf beside him and began rubbing it all over before the water turned nasty. You had to do it quick because it wasn’t just a matter of getting it on, you had to get it off as well. Grandma Daisy didn’t like it at all if you still had soap in your hair when she came to dry him off. Not only that. She always did a load of washing at the same time as his shower and that made it like Russian roulette. He never quite knew when that rush of cold water would come with each new washing cycle downstairs.

&nbs
p; What Grandma Daisy didn’t know however was that while she was downstairs doing her thing, Eddy played a trick on her. Yes, he washed himself good and well, but he’d learned to do that real quick. When he’d finished though, he’d pull the shower curtain ever so slightly aside, hop up on to the little step that divided the shower cubicle from the bathroom floor and look at himself in the mirror on the opposite wall. He’d have to be careful though. Showers were loud, especially when you were in them. Good thing that Grandma Daisy’s stairs were creaky. Two of them always creaked and most times three or even four.

  But the mirror, well, that was magical.

  He could actually see himself looking back at himself.

  Eddy had always known he was different. Grandma Daisy was forever reminding him of that in one way or another. But what he didn’t understand until he was tall enough to see in the mirror, was what exactly ‘different’ was.

  And she was right. He was different. He wasn’t like Grandma Daisy or the lady that came to visit him sometimes (he could never remember her name for more than half a day after each visit). He was different too from the people in the photos on the hallway table. The one’s he’d never make the mistake of asking about again. And last but not least, he was different from all the other people he watched going about their lives from his bedroom window.

  His eyes were funny. That was the easy part to see. But the rest of his face was not quite right either. He couldn’t exactly explain what was different about it but it definitely wasn’t the same as all the others. When he’d asked Grandma Daisy about it she’d told him that was what ‘dumb’ looked like. So maybe that’s just what it was. Dumb people were given funny faces just like the runners in his Guinness Book of World Records book were given long legs.

  So for as long as his courage held out, Eddy stood on tippy toes and made faces at the dumb boy in the mirror. And when he smiled, somebody smiled right back at him and that was the most marvellous thing in the world.

  2. BENT NAILS

  It was a Saturday. Eddy knew that because of the way the street played out in the morning. On week days the street went into an hour’s worth of frenzy as people dragged themselves off to work and kids trudged to the school somewhere around the corner. In fact the school was close enough so that, on a still day, Eddy could make out the chorus of children’s voices yelling and screaming as they tangled themselves around the playground during recess and lunch. It was a good sound, he knew that because it made him smile and it made him want to walk in circles around his room. But at the same time it was a sad sound.